Everyman's WEEKLY Journal #84
© 2014 Rev. David Seacord
September 14, 2014
Painful Causes and Consequences
(Friday morning.) Now back in sweltering 110 degree Yuma a half week, this morning I lay fetal-like upon the floor on my doubled yoga mat sleeping pad, feeling a very sharp pain in my heart overwhelming my heart, and attempting to separate my mixed feelings (as per Clinton Callahan's teachings) and feel them. I was awash with a kind of shame-based horror at what I had just caused. How could I have been so blind and unconscious? Why had I not acted 'to make sure', instead of assuming 'everything's OK'. And now that it was 'done', what could I do to help heal it?
'IT' is the fact that an hour earlier I had discovered I was responsible for having thoughtlessly injured a being I dearly love… a ten foot tall saguaro cactus (the baby of the three that live here with me). At this typing point I don't know how serious the injury is, or if or how well the cactus might be able to heal itself. But because it's a fire caused injury, I fear it will be fatal.
I have had for several years now a mexican clay pot trash burner located near the cactus. I've burned office paper and twigs in it many times, and although occasionally some flames might briefly come out of the open flue at the top, it was only for a few seconds usually, and no flames ever came close to the cactus… they just went straight up, a couple feet away, and parallel to the cactus. The cactus had always seemed fine with these brief nearby heatings. This morning seemed no different. What was different however, is that I did not recognize the danger when I noticed a small clump of burned paper ash fall out of the fireplace mouth onto the ground. I've lived around fire and used fire all my life. I knew that those paper ash pieces would cool in a few seconds, and I was 30 feet away involved in something else. I didn't go over and make sure (by stepping on the ash to extinguish it etc) that it would not ignite anything else.
So as a result of assuming no danger and not taking action to make sure, enough heat somehow survived in the ashes to ignite a few leaves (when I wasn't watching) which got blown into a small pile of other leaves sitting at the base of the cactus… which was enough to ignite the dry spines of the saguaro (I had never realized before that the saguaro's spines were quite flammable), beginning at the base, and running to the top. I never saw any of it happening. I had left the area and had been busy pruning in a place where I could not see the cactus and I just discovered the singed aftermath later, and the detective in me put the story together from the evidence. Horrified, I looked at the damage and felt the pain of the cactus. Starting low on one side, and running (and widening until encircling )all the way to the top , about 60 per cent of it's beautiful spines where now gone, replaced by ashy black callus-looking remnant bumps. I could see also that the heat had been hot enough to discolor the smooth green skin for a couple of inches depth into the cactuses accordian-like ribs. In human term, 60% of the cactus had 3rd degree burns.
I downloaded the idea to spray the plant with my watering hose to cool and sooth it's damaged skin. I did a hands-on energy healing. I told the plant how sorry I was and I prayed to the Godness for the miracle of a full recovery. All the time, I felt sick to my stomach with feelings of shame and sorrow and powerlessness. I knew that this was my karma… that there was no one else to blame…it was my fault…my result…my consequence…my cross. Then, when I didn't know what else to do, feeling so heartsick, I went to my mat, to fetal, and felt, and waited.
Ideas began to download. Check online… see if there is any information available. I got up and began to do that, discovering that fire and saguaros are usually a mortality combination. The sickness inside me deepened. I went back out side to examine the once so beautiful plant. It looked worse, if that is possible. I realized it would be over 110 today. The idea of shade cloth appeared, making sense… yes, shading the burns would be surely helpful. I returned to the phone and called two cactus nursery's. Compassionate people listened, the first referring me to the second because of more expertise. The shade cloth idea was confirmed, and, because the growth point (the very top) had been somehow spared from the fire, I was told there might be reason to hope. I wrapped the cactus in a cocoon of shade cloths, balancing precariously on a rickety stepladder to do the final top piece. I accepted the risk. I had created this. My yoga body balance practices came through, and I returned to the ground safely, grateful in my own heart that I had made the effort. I lay a hose at the base and let it began dripping. I knew that the plant would need water too. How? Because if it were my human body, I know mine sure would.
As I worked my mind saw in this a similarity to a situation I had offered coaching on a few days before. A friend's dog's had killed a cat in the neighborhood. Animal Control had informed my friend, saying the grieving cat owner wished to stay unidentified. My friend had also grieved. Then a fateful chance-passing-by moment downtown revealed who the cat owner probably was, but only intuitively. My friend had again felt helpless, trying to believe it was better to do nothing because she did not know what else to do. I downloaded the suggestion to make an offer of free bodywork amends through the Animal Control officer, letting him know she now had a very good idea who was the victim. I didn't know if it would be accepted, but I saw that the universe had answered her heart, and it was her turn to respond. In any event, it left her with SOMETHING that she could offer, coulddo.
In the same way, I was so grateful to see that there was SOMETHING I could do to try and help my cactus in it's fight for it's survival. I wished it to do know I could feel it, that I cared, that I felt great remorse for having been so unconscious. I am seeing that events like this often put us in touch with how we actually feel, in a very direct and truthful way. Events like this strip away the pretense, the coverup, the egos looking good to itself agenda. They leave us in our heart. And especially, I am seeing, when the consequences are in the form of the suffering of another being that we love, it deepens our willingness to obey our heart.
I do not know if my plant friend will survive. I only know (as in 'The Four Agreements') that I have done and will continue to do my best to make amends.
I thank Great Spirit for this painful gift, and the slight smell of something burned that lingers, and wafts into my painting studio. May I never need another like it.
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Another lesson: For the first time in my life, I am 'a wanted man'. There is a Utah warrant for my arrest issued (arising from the creative way I handled/challenged the July 5 $120 citation for 50 mph 'speeding' in a 45mph zone in Salt Lake County), and thus I am again somewhat forcing myself to face some deeply conditioned authority-implanted fears. Yes of course, it could all be 'solved' by throwing money at it, and at some point I realize I may choose to do that, as the deck is pretty well rigged against a successful protest. Yet right now I am watching my motivated mind (now firmly believing in my innocence instead of my lifelong habituated general guilt) learn more principles of law…. subtle but powerful language distinctions… in an attempt to see if I have a chance to rise up into a new mastery level and upset the status quo racketeering of municipalities preying upon the roadways for speed-trap revenues. Again, win or lose, I see this as necessary training, which I am working to practice without attachment to the outcome or becoming lost in drama. You ask why? I answer: because….
Love desires and requires justice, and the world contains much that is injustice. Ultimately yes, everything is 'lawful', it is karma, BUT inside that, there are many soul lessons to be learned by attempting to make the world fair and just. So one of the fallouts of this particular lesson is the discovery of a possible new sub-career… that of being a 'private attorney general'. What this is is being a non-attorney lawyer (student of the law) who prosecutes cases in the public interest… cases that need to be pursued because a large number of people would benefit… but usually cases where there is no money to pay for an attorney. And the legislation that authorizes being a private attorney general allows the court to grant the winning private attorney general normal attorney's fees (if they win the case). This is intentional motivation provided by lawmakers, as many legislators have recognized that most member of the bar attorneys are primarily money motivated, and yet there exist many situations which need legal expertise to achieve justice. For example, a couple of areas where this is easily seen would be environmental cleanup actions, or homeless rights protection etc.
Not to go into this to deep right now… I am just reporting that my desktop icon folder labeled 'legal' continues to grow, and my downloads keep revealing that there is a true soul purpose behind this fact. Skillful living, I see, is and will be the ongoing practice of balancing more and more areas of deep interest…. sacredly growing, personal health, art, music, relationship, writing… and now 'law'. All is forever one.
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May the presence of all love guide each of us through the challenges of this life. My best wishes to you in this, and may grace offer you and I continuous great good luck as we find our way!
Namaste & Sat Nam,
David
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Rev. David Seacord
Fine Art Painter / Sufi Cherag
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