Any birth is primal, formative, and far reaching. Spiritual birth in no different--- it can seem to take forever to ripen enough to be able to hold a new universe inside ones Self, but somewhere during the labor it becomes clear there is no going back. The way through is one-way only: forward…committing to meeting whatever the journey contains.
This past week-plus the only way to meet my soul's 'Yes' has been to allow my ego's 'no' to die, moment by moment. Life is actually always asking each of us to allow this, that the true need of the miraculous moment can be seen, met, and then created. That summates our individual and joint work as lightworkers, yes?
Sometimes we are uncertain as to what that need of life is… what it is that is being asked of us,…. but that uncertainty can be given up, can be released IF we are willing to surrender everything we are still grasping onto (in our efforts to worship our separated lower nature). This week what I have seen is that what my ego nature has been battling to hold onto has been my identity as an important painter. It has been committed to a vision that of all the choices I have available as to how to use this precious life, the best one is to climb the greased pole of artistic greatness--- that success achieved that way would somehow give me the happiness that I could have no other way.
There has always been a knowing in me that this dream was based upon an egoic foundation. Yet I have for years buried that knowing and continued to pursue it….something in me just needed to 'make it', to be 'somebody' instead of just being. I am now looking at what this has cost (not in terms of something to be 'guilty' for, but rather from the view that all choices by their nature are also a 'not choosing' of everything else). Since each moment of this life is precious, I am seeing that now is the best time to chose more truly… and to create a future for this incarnation to be more fully manifesting the I AM-ness which has always been my Source.
As it has been doing all summer, this I AM-ness has been very busy teaching me this week (by ways seemingly unrelated, as is it's way--- to see if I/we are awake to it 's Presence everywhere, in all things, at all times…). For instance….
For five days I was an honored and welcomed guest in the Portland home of a beloved sister six-months pregnant with my godchild (by way of the fact that I introduced and delivered the child's father to her home during my journeys last summer). After these days of wonderful communing/fellowshiping, when I reached the knowing that it was time to continue the journey, the message was clear that this home was also my home. I left feeling very loved, and knowing I am part of the family, present physically or not.
The universe had me doing a lot of hiking during the week, searching out trail-access-only hidden waterfalls (as I have plans for painting a series of recognizable waterfall scenes). I did serious compositional photography of them (often entailing leaving the trail safety and/or wading in the waters to get the best located shot). On one such wading journey I forgot my iPhone was in my pants pocket. It stopped working and had to be replaced (luckily I had bought the needed warranty, and just as luckily, all my data was recoverable). So grace again took care of me.
And to handle the phone situation, I was required to turn around (I was thinking I was heading eastward to visit the Wallowa's) and instead return to Portland. But this also provided the opportunity to reconnect with a beloved and have the conversation that I knew was 'the universe's need in the moment'. And also to purchase from the distributor a quart of ionic silver that I have been needing. And then, new phone working… to receive the directive to 'drop in' for the evening at the Northwest Sufi Camp over in Mollala (an annual affair that I had been aware of but… well… other things were happening). So what I am reporting (again) is that guidance was always being received… all I needed to do was follow its suggestions.
There are times when a single conversation can transform a whole life. I report one such to you now: At the Sufi Camp I attended an early morning meeting for Cherags (ie, Rev.'s-- of which I am one via ordination by Pir Vilayat Khan when I was about aged 30). The teaching Murshida (a female master initiate) for some reason chose to speak on "The 12 Levels of Spiritual Initiation" as presented by the Sufi Master Hazrat Inayat Khan, the founder of my lineage. As it has been nearly 30 years since I have actively participated in the Order as a dues-paying Mureed, this material was either new-to-me or had-been-long-forgotten. As many Sufi's do, I had (in those intervening years) remained a Sufi at heart, but had studied and practiced in depth many of the other of the world's spiritual traditions, including Zen, Buddhism, Advaita Yoga, ACIM, and mystical Christianity. Murshida's speaking triggered a radical re-recognition within me, for as she spoke describing these spiritual initiations I recognized having received all of them but the final one…not from or via my Sufi lineage, but either via my other spiritual studies with other teachers, or organically and naturally via my life-experiences of the past thirty years. And I recognized that it is that final initiation that has been challenging my egoic I-ness during this current journey…
This final initiation (which in the Order is called 'Pir') comes about when…after you are a master, you consciously chose to responsibly hold the space for a lineage to be born (or continued) through you. This is a huge responsibility, and this is what I have been resisting doing, in order to continue 'having my freedom'. Instead of allowing my heart to guide me to this destiny, I have been attempting to avoid it…. and to substitute instead my dream of being a world-recognized important artist. What lineage wishes to be born through this life you ask? My answer today is 'a self-perperuating organizational structure which effectively transforms lives by teaching The Love Declaration and the truth principles upon which it stands'.
I have been aware of being (for the most part) a masterful being for many years, and my life has demonstrated it for any who would or could see it. But I have had a lifetime resistance to 'organizations', preferring not to be 'encumbered' by them. Now life has been teaching me that for my heart's vision of a world based and operating itself upon selfless Love to become manifest, I must surrender this resistance and instead must create, enter, and fully embrace one (a powerful organization)… for only through such an avenue will it become possible for The Love Declaration and the awareness for which it stands to authentically enter the world and do the work the universe's need has assigned it as it's dharma.
Since hearing this conversation a week ago I have been in a spiritual crisis, for many days my Divine will doing battle with my personal will. The first line of The Love Declaration says: "I am you partner in awakening from fear..". All my personal survival fears have been screaming within me, resisting this Calling. Guidance however has been very active, using my travels southward to draw to me a number of very powerful individuals with the function of them confirming and empowering my heart and souls desire to fully chose mySelf, to trust mySelf as a Voice for God in the world. I have begun answering this Calling.
Last night under a full moon I ascended Mt. Shasta to pray. This morning I awoke with a new heart. Two young women approached me with open auras… I initiated them on the spot… by asking them to repeat the potent words of the Declaration with me. I watched it open and impact and bless them. After giving them copies and some simple instructions, I climbed the hill to a stone labyrinth circle. Without asking, a young man gave me the guitar he had been playing, and I began chanting, eyes closed. Voices appeared and joined in, others began the walking ceremony. I opened my eyes to see who was singing with me… synchronistically, one woman was an old soul and a personal acquaintance from Santa Fe. I had not seen her for over a year. Another was a woman whom I had met and given the Declaration to at the Rainbow Gathering six weeks before. We made music to the Godness for an hour. On the way down the mountain, stopping to use a campground latrine, the woman also waiting in line instantly 'saw' me, and I immediately initiated her also, again watching the simple profound words of the Declaration impact and open and bless her....
In Richard Bach's book "Illusions, the Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah" there is the opening story of the clinging creatures who lived at the bottom of a great crystal river, whose way of life was fearful clinging to the reeds and rocks of the bottom. Finally one chose to let go, and, when he refused to cling again, was lifted by the river up into the current. To those downstream, he was flying… a miracle. As he floated in the arms of the current, he taught those he was passing… "Let go, let go, let go… there is nothing to fear… the current will lift you, just as it has lifted me…"
As that one, I am lifted. As I Am lifted, I Am also Calling You….
Namaste, and Sat Nam.
David
aka Daud Umacharan
PS…Guidance has been showing me the new function of my art also… it is to be used to empower the building of this mission, and (as gifts) to reward the generous contributors who shall fund and assist the said organization building.
PSS… as a review, here is the link to The Love Declaration website as it has been for about 2 years.... thelovedeclaration.org. As you can see, the vision has existed. It has just been a bit abandoned, by me, for the reasons I have been sharing. I am now retaking responsibility and again going 'active'. I therefore ask for your prayers and encouragement. Many Blessings, & Namaste to each of you...
In a favorite thrift store (that I love to visit each year when in Portland [It's the Red White & Blue Store in Gladstone]) an authentic moment happened when I slipped past a woman speaking to herself and I overheard her saying "I wonder if there is a measuring cup here" (as she stood gazing at fifty feet of shelving containing a mishmash of kitchenware). I silently found myself joined with her as I continued my passage past. Suddenly, 15 feet onward, I saw a Pyrex measuring cup on the shelf. Cutting through all social protocol as if I was her best friend, I immediately pointed to it and spoke aloud, clearly directing my voice to her: "There it is!" As I continued to hold up my pointed finger, her face registered that I was in her reality. Her eyes followed my finger and upon seeing the measuring cup her face broke into a beautiful smile and she exclaimed "Good eyes!". Unspoken acknowledgements passed between us for the briefest of seconds and I, in the easiest of releases and feeling completely happy, turned and continued my way to the check out register. Sometimes I think it is in moments like these that whole new and wonderful universes are born....
I arise to write this in the early pre-dawn morning hours, grateful that I had chosen the healing cocoon of sleep instead of attempting to compose anything literate at the end of yesterday's rapid-fire, emotionally-stressing 'growing moments'…. because (as I am sure you also know) the process of returning to clarity is so very greatly aided by allowing the mind to reconnect (through deep sleep and meditation) back to our naturally sleep-renewed optimistic 'Possibility' consciousness. Given such 'Possibility' as a guiding presence, challenges can be met with a courageous heart. Given its absence, negative emotions erode our strength and weaken us.
The memory of my son's recent acknowledgement of this…(that my modeling of 'Living Life as a Possibility' for him was one of my greatest gifts to him)…returned to my mind as I awoke. I smiled at the memory, realizing that now each time I remember his acknowledgement he is giving me back the gift of my own gift to him. That it were always so easy to allow our children to lead us, yes?
Just as children are naturally confused when events interject chaos into their normally rhythmic life patterns, on this journey I am confronting that I am in many ways 'a child-like and hermit-like' kind of man. The inner drum beat that calls me on my path is very steady in its message---it beats again and again "more simple, more better". I suspect why I love being in wilderness so much is it is a place where such natural simple reality can be trusted to exist. So....
Yesterday's dense crowds of trinket/souvenir seeking tourists flowing past my art being displayed at the Portland, Oregon waterfront Saturday Market left me feeling more like what a zoo animal must feel--- in other words, mostly something to be pointed at and superficially commented about. And even though it is just part of the social fabric, the ritual of smiling and saying 'Thank you' to the endless stream of superficial compliments is not truly 'the soul food' of any artist or craftsperson. It is however, part of 'marketing' in our urban world, and (as all things can be) it can be used as an opportunity for spiritual practice. As the Dalai Lama has said: "I treat all people equally." (This I think is also one of the very meaningful aspects lying within the Biblical teaching that "God is no respecter of persons".) For me, while practicing being present with everyone what there is to do is to wait…. trusting my 'serious collectors' will reveal themselves when ready. On a good day at least one or two will…
As an artist, I am actively working on finding 'a simpler new way'---one that openly integrates all my self-expressions--- as artist, musician, and the lightworker side of me (which [in case you are a new reader] is about sharing 'The Love Declaration' and these [and other] spirit-based writings). That is what this whole summering journey I've been on is actually about (in my view)… a time to execute a series of self-refining experiments in 'sadhu/artist self-presentation', and to learn what works and what doesn't. Slowly slipping into it, over the summer I have created a widening range of experiences all aimed at fine-tuning my vision of 'naturally marketing without marketing'. In art terms, what I mean is (essentially) to learn the skills of prominently painting in well-selected 'on the street/on-site' locations (also referred to as 'plein aire') and to make initial contact with my future collectors as they pass by, of course trusting that the Divine will send them to me 'right on time'. You must understand here that when I say 'learn the skills' I am not particularly referring to the skills of painting. I am more referring to the skills a non-worldly hermit would need in order to avoid attracting negative attention of the legal sense. (You may agree that because of the monetization/licensing/permitting-requiring/controlling of nearly every activity in our world of late, this is now a skill, yes?) Actually (I am realizing), the skill-set needed exactly matches the skill-set needed for maintaining my spiritual awareness. Recognition of the other as another myself. Trusting in the moment. Paying attention. Remembering the breath. Practicing integrity. Remaining humble. (But please do not misconstrue from this that I am 'in agreement' will all the aforementioned regulatedness. Actually, someone looking at my sign recently asked "What's the 'Rev.' stand for... Reverend or revolutionary?" I immediately answered truthfully "both". He said, "Very good. That's the only real kind".) I liked that guy immediately. In any case....
Yesterday's tourist exhibition was a teaching that 'continuing along the old path of markets and fairs' is not currently a highly productive direction for me, as my daily bread did not arrive despite the accolades of appreciation of my exhibited new work (err…this result could be reversed if the one serious-appearing couple who seemed very interested in commissioning a large canvas work actually chose to do so, of course). As a result, I sense I will be at work this week be creating a newer possibility….perhaps choosing much more gentrified and upscale plein aire urban locations to experiment at. Your blessing thoughts please….
Thursday driving back into Portland (after water-fasting for two days while camping and painting next to a stream near the Tillamook coast) I was in need of drinking water and was thus stopping at the several developed campgrounds along the highway in search of a good spring-fed source. Missing the sign for one campground, I turned around and pulled off the road next to a pickup containing a likely-local man. As a part of my past childhood living was in northwest lumbering towns, I recognized him as a probable logger. He may have recognized me as a 'tree-hugger' but we did not go there… I just asked him if he knew of any sources nearby of spring water. After a moment of appraisal, he said, "You passed the only place I know of about ten miles back", pointing up the road in the direction I was going (but he was assuming I was not going in that direction because I had just turned around (which he had not seen me do). Once I corrected that misunderstanding, our conversation turned to him giving me directions to the waters, but then turned into him choosing to say: "Hey, I'm going up past it right now myself--- I'll lead you there". Thanking him, I began following him but my little Geo (pulling my trailer) soon fell behind ---and thus coming upon a flagman controlled work zone his was the last car allowed through, while ten seconds later, I was required to stop. I wondered what was up, but I soon knew I was in very good hands a few minutes later when (clearing the work zone) he pulled out in front of me to lead again (from the spot he'd pulled over to wait for me, seeing I'd been stopped). Soon I was being introduced to a beautiful little spring-fed falls of wonderful tasting water (which for safety I pumped through my .2 micro ceramic filter) a hundred yards back from the highway. When I told my guide he was 'obviously an angel' he corrected me by revealing the he wasn't 'Christian' ("who are the ones who believe in angels", he said), and was rather 'simply a pagan who loved nature'. As one Sufi principle is that 'Nature is the true holy book', I aligned with that no problem. And as ACIM (A Course in Miracles) clearly teaches (paraphrased) "there are thousands of pathways to truth" (and which thus give you access to inner freedom). I get this (although some admittedly are easier to get than others, depending upon our/my individual conditioning). But because there was no judgement present and active, we conversed without the tension often present when those of different faiths with proselytizing ethics attempt to communicate. To me, this is the will of the True Spirit… the continual recognition that there is never a valid justification for denying the brotherhood/ the oneness. WaheGuru.
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Last night I saw the best homeless 'flag' of my life. A smiling older very clean-vibed woman stood at the stop light with a cardboard sign reading: "Any act of kindness will be greatly appreciated". I felt like a man being given permission to be a sharing heart. I had a box of u-picked peaches (another side adventure of the week) next to me, so I held out two perfectly ripe large ones to her as if I was a young man giving bouquets to a betrothed, and proudly shared 'that I had picked them myself' so that she would know they were not green picked commercial fruit. Her smile of thanks made my heart happy, and as I drove on, I also felt blessed.
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I pray for the best for each of you. May you all live this week aware of being loved.
Thank you for your prayers. Life is unified, recognized or not.
The nature of our shared human egoness is to always attempt to make what is false appear to be true… (As the entirety of the phenomenal world is a demonstration of this principle, you see this, yes? [sic…It's especially visible in 'mass advertising'.]) Therefore as I sit here facing the blank canvas of this empty page, I listen to the chatter within my head having a 'this week's review' moment---a pre-writing back and forth dialogue about the learning events of the week (supposedly discussing what is worth sharing from the experiences) my ego's subtle but easily seen concern is 'to look good' to you. Nothing new there….I doubt there is a single human being who has not experienced this…as it (trying to look good for oneself and/or others) is a foundational egoic fundamental from which there is no escape [except via complete transformation of being]).
Yet I am also noticing that much subtler than my mind's chatter is my breath--- continuing its life-long rhythm-- and I see that sanity lies in the choice to simply be with it for a while, watching it receiving my life… and then, releasing my life.
Back at the Rainbow Gathering a wonderful little book appeared via a 'trading circle' exchange… a few of my home-made dried bananas for the book, Awakening Loving-Kindness, by Pema Chodron, whose teacher was the Venerable Chogyam Trungpa, Rimpoche. Because of it's tiny 3" x 4" size it has pretty much lived in my Peruvian shoulder bag, and I've been developing the habit of opening it each morning (each time to a new, randomly chosen spot) and have always been grateful for the thoughts I have discovered in it.
This morning's opening landed me in a exquisite commentary on meditation… specifically on focusing on the out-breath… the releasing…the letting go…the forgiving… side of our lives. As a result of contemplating Pema's suggestions, I've been practicing releasing both my breath (and a few of this weeks tougher learning moments) a bit more gracefully.
And, as I ended last weeks journal with the affirmational intentionality that we/I learn to follow our Christed nature more unerringly, my report this week now admits to numerous failures in that in the interim, all valuable as learning opportunities. I am so glad that this is always true--- that even in the seemingly worst of situations (when viewed spiritually correctly) what is really true is that a gift is being offered.
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One such failure occurred at a beautiful natural hot-springs (Bagby Hot Springs in the Mt. Hood National Forest). It was early morning and I was in the large communal wooden soaking tub by myself when a couple arrived to the other side of the privacy wall. When they noticed I was not at that moment 'in the tub' (I was cooling off a bit) they inquired if I was finished with my soak. 'Not quite yet', I responded, and then I invited them to join me (and returned to the tub). They did not, nor did they speak with me again, even when I repeated my invitation. They just sat outside where I could not see them (but where I was aware they were there), apparently waiting for me to leave. I felt increasingly uncomfortable and pressured, as I did not actually wish to leave. In fact, I had just spent an hour filling the tub and getting the water temperature perfect, and I had been anticipating the arrival of other people and to socializing over the next several hours. So this situation was the exact opposite of the outcome I was desiring, and given that, I started believing my mind--- about how rude these people were being, about how this was a communal tub and they had no right to expect to use it privately, etc. I made a third invitation attempt, certain that they could hear me, but still there was no response to me---only the whispered sounds between them continuing as the minutes passed. This was 'past reactivating' for me--- reminding me of childhood experiences where I was shunned---and the egoic resistance inside me increased… I forgot to watch my breath.
Finally, in a kind of angry upset social rejection pain, I stoically left the tub, gathered my clothes, exited past them without speaking or looking at them. As I left, I heard the man softly say 'Thank you'. Even so, drying and dressing out of their view behind a huge old-growth log, I found myself triggered, contracted, pissed off. This unhappy way of ending an idyllic soak was a vast contradiction to the chanting/singing man who had walked the mile/+ trail to the springs 2 hours before, but 'what is is what is', and thus I began my struggle to let it go, to shake it off, and regain 'presence', and my happiness. My problem (as I began the trail back now feeling emotionally isolated and disconnected from all the beauty around me) was that I had regressed emotionally to being a rejected child who was hooked on making THEM wrong, and keeping ME right. So for a while I did not make much progress. Finally, nature's beauty helped me out, as I came to a lovely little waterfall which my adult I knew I needed to photograph (for a future painting reference) and to get focused on doing that, I had to interrupt my child from obsessing about being insulted/rejected (or any of the other insane list of offenses that my mind was insisting on making real).
That little waterfall was the window I needed for grace to begin to speak some sanity to my heart… for had I not ever come to a hot springs with a beloved hoping we would have it all to ourselves? And were there not many non-amourous reasons for this… perhaps she had had some unpleasant past experiences/traumas… perhaps he knew this and was feeling very protective of her… the man's 'thank you' had in fact carried the tone of an apology, I remembered. I begin to see I had allowed myself to break the cardinal rule of 'Don't take anything personally' [please see "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz if this idea this is new to you]. As this new line of thinking entered my heart, like a rapid spring snow melt, my anger lifted, and I was able to let go… releasing the breath, releasing the pain, releasing being offended…as in the line from the Zen sutra: "when a thing can no longer offend, it ceases to exist (in the old way)"….
As a lightworker, I have noticed that part of the job is that I must often allow myself to be insulted by other people… without experiencing any internal or external reacting. Generally these are not conscious or intentional insults… usually they are just the stuff of life being delivered by our civilization of duality dwellers (and occur as a result of people in general not getting what unity actually is or what it means). We all suffer these insults, which come in the form of being 'made fun of', or not being taken seriously, or any other form of subtle judgements revealed by body language or spoken tonality. I have realized all these mean nothing 'about me', that in truth they simply reveal I am being perceived as 'an other'… and that the work of being a lightworker for the Unity requires me to ignore them as if they never occurred. I am usually pretty good at this…so life gave me a test using one of my 'sacred cows'… my love of hot springs (which to me are often 'like being in a temple').
As presence was invited to return, I saw that my failure of the test lay in my attachment to my own desired experience (and not being open to Divine Intention being something different from what I had in mind; also, of course, in believing my own mind [as a distinction from following my heart]). It turned out that Divine Intention knew exactly what it was doing …. within minutes I found myself meeting a man on the trail whom I quickly realized was the actual reason for my being there. His name was also David and he had been sitting by that same little waterfall earlier when I had passed by chanting (singing along with the Snatum Kaur album playing on my iPhone earphones). In his young 30's, crew cut, heavily tattooed and well muscled, he looked like a 'bad boy', but his energy emissions confirmed he now was 'a new sadhu'. Our meeting was exquisitely timed. Three weeks before he had come into the woods despondent over personally traumatic relationship circumstances. Searching for answers, in those weeks a series of synchronistic meetings with people delivering expanded awareness teaching and learning miracles had increasingly awakened him. He was now well 'lit up', and I was his next such miracle, delivering (as we shared exploring a side stream and suddenly discovering a hidden waterfall) a several hour info-log/dialogue/conversation about various sadhana and lifestyle options for his future, including an introduction to ACIM, simple meditation instructions, and the exchange of contact info and the joining of this recipient list. In all this David was a sponge, absorbing easily, intently listening, intelligently questioning. So satisfyingly different (I imagined) from being back in a hot tub with strangers doing the subtle dances of superficial relating with strangers (i.e., scanning for authentic connection while exhibiting 'being cool'). Flipping reality, I now felt grateful for the part the privacy seeking couple had played in the day…. for sparing me what I had thought I wanted. How cool God always is….
Which leaves me/us back once again at:
No accidents ever.
And: "attach cannot be limited. Even to be attached to the idea of enlightenment is to go astray…" (from the 3rd Zen Patriarch).
And: (via Pema Chodron, paraphrased) "as you focus awareness on your out-breath, 'thinking' will happen. Just let the 'thinking' go… This is probably one of the greatest tools that you could be given…to (on the out-breath) just let thoughts go…. (for) to (be free is to) not be caught up in the grip of worried or angry or passionate or depressed thoughts…."
I almost would like to open with "Dear Diary", as there is that sense occurring for me as I write, especially as the best writing seems to occur when I am writing as if I were to be the only one reading this.
But, even though there really is only one of us, I am still practicing this awareness… imperfectly (so it seems at times like twoness is a valid reality). I am gratefully watching though, as this is incrementally being dissolved by my growing experience of my wholeness.
Here's an experiential example that just happened….
I spent the day today (Saturday) exhibiting my paintings at the weekend Lithia Artisan's Market in Ashland, Oregon (which I have been a member of for many years since I used to live here a lot…). It was the maiden voyage for a new display system keyed off of the small trailer I built in Yuma and which I am towing. However, not everything was working perfectly--because of the wind--- which was occasionally blowing/flapping my good sized paper pieces and therefore putting them at some risk. I realized I needed to create a system to add some weight to the inside of the clear plastic envelopes that the art was in. I tried using some cut-up cardboard boxes, which was an improvement but not really enough weight, as the wind was still being successful. As I drove home after the market, I realized I needed some perfectly sized pieces of wood to insert for weight--- and I needed them by tomorrow morning (for the Sunday market), which seemed impossible because everyplace where I might buy such materials was already closed.
With that problem on my mind, I pulled into the driveway of the housesit I am staying at, and noticed in the drive next door a pickup truck loaded with small pieces of lumber. A man and a woman were working together unloading the lumber. They watched me park and get out, and then man raises his arm to say howdy. I do the same back. Then the man speaks. "Hey, Rev. David Seacord (I think he must have read the signs on my car that announce that), do you need any pieces of wood?" "Absolutely", I answered, "and I was just wondering where I was going to get some before tomorrow morning." I am walking over to him as I am talking.
The man keeps talking…"You may not remember me, but I bought several prints from you a few years ago. I still love them…" So suddenly reality has just flipped….I am not only being offered the wood I need, but the offer is coming for one of my own art collectors…
We connected around the past art a bit, and I explained what I needed in the way of small pieces of wood to weigh down my painting. We chose the right sized wood, but it needs to be cut and sanded. He says, 'not a problem, I've got the tools" and goes to bring them out. We do the work together in a few minutes, thoroughly enjoying the communion created by the moment between the three of us. I offer them a print from my small prints portfolio to express my appreciation, which they receive with delight. We separate (they to go to their supper, me to come to this computer to create this journal entry) all of us sort of humming our own heart song of gratitude and happiness, all of us knowing (even though not a word was spoken on the subject) that we were each other's miracle of one-mindedness that evening…
While here in Ashland, I have twice driven up to Merlin, Oregon to attend talks by Guy Finley (a spiritual teacher and author whom I have admired for many years). He has a group of serious local students that have chosen him as their teacher, and he works with them several times a week in a public meeting format. As with all charismatic teachers, there is a group mind being shared-- that was obvious. So there was automatically a subtle 'us' and a 'not (yet) us' in the space, but guests were definitely welcome, although (my ego observed) 'a little formally'. I accepted that as natural, and I enjoyed both visits, and I continue to recommend Guy to anyone interested. Personally I was immediately remembered by many as 'you played the piano, didn't you?' from my one previous visit to his center a couple of years ago. And Guy and I had a number of personal moments that summated with his 'don't be a stranger…' welcome. I suspect I will be integrating some of his thinking into these reports as time goes on… as I have done with other teachers.
All that said, there was a moment I'd like to focus on… it occurred while driving to Merlin the second time, wearing earphones and listening to some Sikh chants. I report those details as music is 'an emotional elevator', an assistant to being able to access certain levels of inspiration. Anyway, I suddenly downloaded a powerful feeling that (no other way to say it) I was "the return of Christ". I realized this was not a personal thing… but that it was also the truth that it was personal. I saw that Guy was also being 'the return of Christ' too… his version, his expression. I saw that all of us will get this download at some moment--- that that is what our function and purpose actually is… to be the free expression of our enlightenment, including freely expressing our remaining moments of non-enlighenment without hiding them, or being ashamed of them. (Guy's talk Wednesday evening had been about the way's that shame is an egoic ploy that keeps us contracted because of the way we hide or suppress our experience of it…).
In that context, I made a mistake yesterday at the market. To say hello to another vendor, I interrupted the person who was then speaking to them. That person became upset at the interruption, and expressed it strongly enough to dissipate the energy of the greeting that I was enthusiastically giving, causing both of us to turn and realize that we had an upset third person to be with. My ego at first wanted to make the guy wrong for being upset, and to play innocent. Then I saw that in truth I had interrupted him, and that I had not been aware of it. So (after a minute, ie, it wasn't instantly) I took a breath and apologized. But even that was still ego, because I knew I was just being right by 'being great with him'. But he accepted my apology, and the ruffled feathers smoothed back to social tolerance.
Later, during the breakdown load-out, he parked next to me, quipping 'Can I just call you 'Rev.'?… to which I responded 'if you like…' (even though I thought I detected that the way he was toning it, it was slightly challenging). 'That would be easier for me to remember…' he commented back, and continued loading his car. A few minutes later, I realized I needed a second persons help in reconnecting my trailer to my car, and yep, who was there around to ask for help but this guy?… Ego would have rather it had been someone else, but life gives us the hot coals to walk across as it will, probably chuckling. So I asked him for assistance, and we worked together as a team getting the trailer positioned and connected. As I thanked him afterwards (and received his 'glad to help anytime' response) I felt the past upset moment still subtlety living inside me disappear, and I recognized we had just 'completed' that, and were now free to move on…
It is good to listen well to 'the Universe', and trust it's flow, yes? It does know how to teach us, if we are willing to learn. Which I suspect is why A Course in Miracles repeatedly teaches is that what we bring to God is (primarily) our willingness. And that, because of our willingness, the rest of our spiritual journey becomes an expression of 'grace'.
Being a painter in public has been giving me some growing lessons also. It is so very different from painting privately in a set-up studio (where nobody sees anything until I am ready to show it). Being a painter in public has meant experiencing other people's reactions and judgements of my work AS IT IS IN PROGRESS. And as it often doesn't necessarily look so good at the moment someone walks by, there is the opportunity of unhooking my ego from reacting to the public judgement, and to just stay egolessly focused on creating the painting. I don't have a perfect track record at this yet, but I am getting assistance from the fact that I am in new territory… both painting in public, and painting vertically. Some sweet images have been created for the effort (and some have been thrown into the trash can too…:-). This is called 'finding your way' (as an artist). Par for the course is the paying of the dues, one way or the other. I am finding myself happy despite all challenges because I am doing finally exactly what I have dreamed of doing for so many years… to travel around painting plain aire, and learning to do it well. So my reports on these painting adventures I am sure will be continued… for now...
May each of us waken increasingly to our Christed nature, and learn to follow it unerringly.
Namaste & Sat Nam,
David
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