Everyman's WEEKLY Journal # 69
© 2014 Rev. David Seacord
April 13, 2014
A Shifting of Realities….
I mentioned last week that in the Landmark Forum I had gotten that it was my own failure as a lightworker that had (looking from the view that I am 100% the creative source of my own experience) created the ticket I received last summer on the California coast. I share details with you about what I saw there…
I spent about four days on the Big Sur coast painting last August. The first day I had an interaction with the officer who later gave me the ticket on the last day. He originally pulled over to talk to me because he saw as he drove by that I had placed a couple of small just-created paintings (sized 5" x 7") on the guardrail posts so that passing traffic could see them (sort of like a child would do.. as a show and tell in kindergarden…). To him this constituted 'setting up shop', which he told me I couldn't do. To me he was being pretty intimidating, and as I/ego doesn't like being made accusatorially wrong, I reacted with a 'first amendment free speech' defense that 'I'm only exhibiting… these are not for sale, they are not even finished… look, there are no price tags… they are not even signed, the edges are not even painted…'. And all of that was totally true. So to me I wasn't setting up shop (like as in when I am at an art festival, etc)… in my world I was only letting people know that a painter was working on the roadside, and kind of inviting them to be curious and stop by if they were interested enough, with the intention that I could meet them and give them my card and maybe get theirs for my mailing list etc. I expected the officer to recognize that what I was doing was clearly NOT 'setting up shop' as in presenting wares for sale, but you know what,… he didn't. For whatever reason, in response to my words he pulled out the Big Gun… the arrest threat… and said "Well, I can go get my camera and take pictures and arrest you and have your car and trailer impounded and we can go talk to the judge (who was 50 miles away) about all that…---or you can remove those painting from the guard rail". I could see I was talking to an authoritarian cop who was not interested in anything but my obedience to his view.
I did some hurry up emotionally pressurized thinking and (given that I had just been arrested a few weeks ago up in Montana) said "Well, we are not going there"…. and I removed the paintings. To which he said…"Well all right now, that's better…"
To put it mildly, I/ego was fairly unhappy at this outcome. I/ego felt unnecessarily controlled, dominated, bullied… all that… but I/ego also knew that it's job was to not rile the cop further. So I/ego suppressed the anger, and thus focused, I was not present to what happened next. Which was that, since from his view he had 'won', the officer actually twice tried to be friendly---but until the Landmark Forum a couple weeks ago, I had never seen that. First he went over to the bluff and looking out at the ocean said… "This is one of my favorite spots too…". It was an opening for affinity-building that I completely missed. Internally pissed off, I just kinda sulked, thinking 'what a jerk'---hoping he would leave soon. Then he took a look at the painting on the easel that I was working on, and made a somewhat positive comment…something like "not bad"… that sort of thing. Instead of realizing he was again trying to give me a compliment, I/ego internally chose to be insulted (but of course did not express that either overtly). I just radiated my suppressed resentment at his intrusion. So I see now that if I had been awake and authentically present instead of being trapped in my reactions, I was actually given two openings which could have been used to transform the initial problem into a human to human affinity. And because I didn't see those openings, and because I in-effect drove him away by bad vibing him, three days later my bad vibes came back to me in the form of my ticket. Of course in the trial (that I wasn't at), none of this was even spoken about. But I am now clear it was the seed that produced the fruit.
I am not saying this officer was the world's best communicator, and I have no idea how his day had been going before the moment we met. I'm pretty sure he was at least as unenlightened, as ordinary, as I was during the whole thing. He reacted to what he saw through his viewpoint (his boxes), and I in turn reacted to him… and neither of us was present enough to step out of the reaction and suggest a conversation about what was happening. I must give credit here to Clinton Callahan too, for even though I got this in the Landmark Forum, the precondition to getting it was the work I have been doing with Radiant Joy Brilliant Love, and the way I am languaging my description of the situation is also inherently from his book.
Why this is a big deal to me is that 'cops' are one of my biggest triggers… my nost reliable unconsciousness button-pushers. It seems that I can stay fairly present in most situations to some degree… but show me a situation with a cop being edgy… and I will be tempted to lose my enlightenment quite quickly, particularly if I am personally involved. So, it a growth-needed area for me, and of course Universe is willing to be helpful in providing me with curriculum mastery opportunities… in particular, to master seeing the soul of a brother in the body of a being who is being a cop (instead of a rip in 'the Unity').
I know a key that I must confront is the sense of powerlessness that arrises inside me, and the fear that something bad will happen when I am confronted by someone who seems 'dehumanized' and who is applying legal power against me against my will. I know that this fear is why I am so interested in studying law… as a way to get my lost power back (knowledge is power, yes?)… to become skilled enough to be able to express myself with a lawman in a way that creates a level, equality-based playing field for me to stand on. Of course there has to be an event in my past that started all this in my life… I have not seen it yet.. not remembered it… but I trust I will open up to the memories when I am ready…. to see and be present to 'what actually happened', similarly to what I now see actually happened to create my ticket.
In any case, I can now see that I can reduce my motive for my legal battle down to 'the need to be heard' and to get complete… in other words, for the truth of what actually happened to be seen and gotten (this ideally means 'by everybody', including my authoritarian-indoctrinated ticketing officer). Of course this might have been much easier to accomplish through an affinity-based rapport-exhibiting conversation than on a legal in-court battleground where the presumption that one person is right means that the other person is wrong is itself erroneous and extremely limiting of options. Still, that is the current assignment and the karma… so the opportunity is to keep awakening, and keep bringing that awakening into those present circumstances with ever-increasing mastery. I am clear that that path followed holds the most possibility of creating a true and transformed resolution, benefiting all. And, it is a highly educative journey…. as are ALL 'problems'.
Therefore, I choose it as a gift and a blessing….
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I posted last week from an Interstate-5 truck-stop, and later that day arrived in Gilroy, CA to visit my mother overnight, sleeping on her assisted-living apartment floor with my camping pad. I watched my heart's sadness closely as her signs of decline made themselves visible…. the lost capacity to do common computer things, her growing uncertainty about her health, the many memories that she didn't have any longer. As best she could, she shared what it was like to become 'old'. I knew my job was just to love her, the way she had loved me as a child. I listened and asked questions as if I'd never heard any of it before. It is a beautiful spring in central California, and with the help of my sister via Skype, she agreed to let me take her for a drive. Within a few minutes she was ready to return but I pretended I had errands to do so she relented and sat in the car watching the world as I did my errands. When we got back the supper was being served. When I at first declined she seemed hurt and puzzled (I'd long ago given up trying to explain why I eat different than her)… so I relented and let a meal be placed before me. Pretty soon nibbling on the overcooked fare was not enough for her… I wondered 'what would love do now?', got my answer and ate the 'food', and then told her how good it was… She was happy to hear that, and we spent the evening in peace. As Monday morning's light dawned, I showered and left after a soft goodbye, telling her I would be calling her soon. I watched my heart having feelings for many hours….
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Notes: In a few days I will be again returning to Joshua Tree to attend Sat Nam Fest as a sound team volunteer. As with all festivals, it is good to be among the beautiful people doing sadhana (as distinct from the everyday generally sadhana-less ordinary commercial culture). Still, wherever one is the rules of being present do not change, nor does the opportunity for self-observation and selfless service. Over the course of my life I have noticed that in these kinds of situations it is possible to become (what I call) socially intoxicated. The essence of this is being a somebody special, as contrasted with being a nobody special. I suspect I will again be working to master the distinction. And I expect my duties my delay this Journal a day or two also.
Also, I just made an agreement with a close friend to use Skype to meet once a week with him to do a chapter by chapter review of Radiant Joy Brilliant Love. As I see it as something that a few others might be join, I am inviting you to think about it and if you are interested, please let me know. I think it will take about six months to complete the book.
That's my report for now. Thank you for the privilege of your time, and your thoughts and blessings.
Namaste, and Sat Nam…
David
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Rev. David Seacord
Fine Art Painter / Sufi Cherag
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