(Saturday) This morning instead of 'me doing yoga', yoga 'did' me. And it did me 'straight up & honestly'… meaning there was 'no ego cheating'. [It does amaze me to realize that most of the 'little lies' I am tempted to tell are to myself… like, who the heck is watching (err..nobody)… yet in my head I can still hear an egoic voice that just wants to believe that if I do the posture 'a little wrong' so as to make it look like I can stretch a little farther than I actually can (than if the stretch were done correctly) that somehow the I that is IT can believe that I've made more progress than I actually have. Which of course reveals that who that 'IT-I-am' is most interested in looking good for is IT's-self… hummmm… what a conundrum box, yes?]
Anyway, I started getting curious when I caught myself doing this, and wondered "Well, what is the truth of it?" and decided to find out. See, last week at Bhakti fest (because I was always right there, on the sound team for the yoga classes) I did so much yoga that my body just filled up with aching muscles. And then I watched this famous 76 year old yoga teacher (Dharma Mittra) do all these amazing postures that I cannot even come close to. At that class I stopped even trying---I just went into watching mode… so that I didn't miss anything… so that I could see that 'ok, I now believe it's possible'…
You know where my heart went? It went to "I can learn this… I can do this!" In other words, it inspired my heart to take on doing yoga as something brand new… and with a commitment to master it PROPERLY. So (back to this morning) I used my phone yoga app and let it guide me. I went to the beginners level, and tried to do beginner poses PROPERLY. And as I reached my actual flexible limits without any cheating, it was clear exactly where I am going to be doing the real work (& lots of it). This is so just fine… I am actually excited. This IS what happens whenever a genuine new possibility is seen and committed too, yes?
After yoga, my eyes landed on a little 3 x 5 card I had push-pinned onto the wall above this computer. 5 Simple Rules for Happiness.
1. Free your heart from hatred. 2. Free your mind from worries. 3. Live simply. 4. Give more. 5. Expect less.
Ahhhhhhh…. yes!… thank you thank you to whoever first recognized this wisdom and put it into these words. Thank you to my then myself who then read it and recognized it was important to put it on a reminder note. My heart took it to heart again. And in my heart's mind, I heard a little tune begin to sing itself and decided to follow a little prompting whisper to go open my guitar case. The little tune keep singing itself. Following another prompting, I switched on the RECORD button (of my iPhone voice memo app) and started playing/singing the little tune…
Oh Great Spirit, Help me… (4 times)
Help me to be free from hatred…
Help me to be free from fear…
Help me to be free from anger…
Help me to know You are always Here…
It was such a simple little tune, but so truly my heart's prayer. Like a devotional kirtan, I could not stop singing it, and as the singing continued, various new lyrics were delivered… (which I am attempting to decipher now from the sound recording as the mic placement of the phone on the table captured the guitar in front and so my voice in the background is often difficult to hear clearly [live and learn])… but the point is, my heart led me to singing again 'as a yoga'. So, in the moments of it happening, it was just a creative flow--- a following. Not so long after though, I could hear the thinking of the ego…"Oh, what a cool song I just wrote!" Uh uh. Err Mr. Daud's ego, you go check that at the door please. That was NOT you….
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This evening I had a communion with a stranger watching a young bird die. I had been heading toward the door of a store when I noticed it on the edge of the sidewalk curb, laid out like it's wing was broken. Near death, it's beak was opening and closing, but only silence was coming out. The stranger, a crew-cut muscular man in a white business shirt and slacks, stopped beside me. We didn't talk as we watched. I extended my right hand out to send healing energy. The bird rolled over off the curb and onto the pavement, onto it's back. I softly said "It won't be long now…". The man quietly muttered "uh huh"… In a few moments, I felt the life force leave, and sent a prayer of peace to it. The bird's body stopped moving. We both stood there silently for a few moments. He looked up at the building eaves to see where it might have fallen from. He said "Sometimes when they're OK I put them back up, if I can see where they fell from…". For some reason I started thinking about how so many of us humans used to die young too… about when giving birth would often take the life of both the mother and the baby…. "Infant mortality" I said. He looked at me quietly… I think he got it. We shifted back into being 'strangers'. With a smile, I said "See you". He smiled back and went on his way. It was a good moment to have shared...
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After so long on the road it takes a few days to normalize to 'a home life'. First, there was the press of the semi-emergency things that needed to be taken care of… the big prickly pear cactus had been blown over in a summer storm and that took a few morning & evening work sessions (too hot still to work in the full of day) to clean it up. Also, after returning from Bhakti Fest there has been a lot of office and computer work to do to. But finally it was clearly time to studiopaint again. This is quiet a different experience than painting plein air on the side of the road, probably as different as roadside first aid is from a surgery room, and in similar toolage ways. Getting everything set up took a day, and then yesterday, I painted (and finished today) the piece at the top of this edition. It's too soon for me to know if it is 'a great work', but I am sure it is 'valid art'. It felt good, following those subtle little hunches that guide my studio working so often… what colors to choose, what technique to use to apply them… not going into the mind too deeply… staying with the trusting process, knowing something within me wishes to freely dance….
So completely different from 'the legal world' (which I also necessarily spent a lot of time in this week, researching my defenses to this 'camping' ticket). God, I wish we could all just learn to love each other (my lesson too, btw). I'm becoming so clear that if we did we would not even need 'laws'. Laws are a very poor substitute for Love, that is so for sure. One thing I noticed as I explored: the more people in an area, the more laws. Also, the more money in a area, the more laws. In a very real way, the love (and protection) of money is the source of all law. And some places are so filled with laws that I am astounded it is possible to live there in peace at all, as it seems like anyone actually SELF-EXPRESSIVELY ALIVE would just be getting into legal ditches constantly. No wonder I love the natural empty places and don't wish to 'own' much. This is a pretty big wake up for me--- to understand that I in my natural fully self-expressed 'freedom' mode could easily find myself repeatedly 'netted' (like Gulliver). It does make me wish for my (imagined) past lifetimes in monasteries, but I am certain that there is a purpose in the non-monastic life I now live. I suspect it has to do with 'learning to love EVERYONE', given that that is what The Love Declaration declares I am 'up to'. Sometimes I have to dig pretty deep into my core to find my heart's will to continue to be up to it though… It's like all the legal research stuff I am doing is a journey into 'the shadow', and I can feel my lower nature stirring, wanting to be Right, instead of completely trusting that Truth/God will win the day for me. I imagine myself in my trial later this fall… sometimes I see myself being able to be relaxed and open and confident. Other times I feel the fear of being slam dunked, or 'home towed'. It certainly is an area of life where I fear I will lose power, and THAT is probably the real reason I know I must confront it (instead of just paying the [pretty significant] fine).
Like back in July in my Montana arrest, things worked out. But the big win for me was simply being willing to go through the legal drill that came down when I said 'No' (to being searched). There was a piece of me that I got back from doing that… a piece of my own personal power and self-respect. And the only reason I was ticketed this time in Big Sur was because I again stood for my own power (ie, quoting the gruffly-spoken officer: "you didn't say, 'I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a law against it'. You argued with me. So now you get a ticket instead of a warning!") My 'argument' had been to ask "what the heck is wrong with sleeping in my own car?" (And, as you know, I don't think there is anything wrong with it, and I don't think there should be any laws against it. Especially when on the side of a public highway in a rural unincorporated area, when the last pull-out marked with a 'no camping' sign is more than 30 miles away.)
Anyway, I accept this all as my most wonderful karma and karmically provided 'growth opportunity'. As a college freshman I was a pre-law major. I've always been interested in the subject. Not because I wish to use it as is often done (to dominate and control others) but the opposite (to be able to live in freedom). It seems to me the universe is giving me some opportunities to extend my skills well beyond 'the artistic'… now the assignment is also to 'learn the law'.
I do think it is important to do, given the nature of the phenomenal world (I mean, was Jesus Christ ignorant of man's laws? NO WAY. But, he also knew the difference between man's law and TRUE law). And as Jesus taught in the Golden Rule (Do onto others as you would have them do onto you), the most important thing in this life is to remember to CREATE NO NEW KARMA. From a Buddhist perspective, our job is to liberate ourselves by knowing our Oneness, and acting in accordance with it. Creating new dualistically based karma… hating, being non-compassionate, getting even, compelling others against their will… all that takes us in the opposite direction, into hellishness. The temptation to forget this is everywhere, in all of our lives---especially at any time we are experiencing 'being a separated one' (re: ACIM). Therefore, may we all continue to practice 'just saying no' to the worlds illusions, and returning our attention to Love.
Again,
Oh Great Spirit, Help me… (4 times)
Help me to be free from hatred…
Help me to be free from fear…
Help me to be free from anger…
Help me to know You are always Here…
(I'll make a simple-but-decent recording of this 'soon' and share it with you… :-)
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