Friday night. Because this weekend is booked with art business events, this EWJ needs to arrive tonight---and so I sit at the keyboard…waiting for it like a window open to the wind blowing. Blow, wordsmith… short is OK God, as long as it's 'good'. :-)
The events of this week have been my teacher many times, as I have been journeying between my light and my darkness… feeling and feeling and feeling my many pathways to my inner home and wholeness….
Feeling… shocking-me-wake surprise-deep-grief about a misguided, mentally tormented, and now suddenly infamous rouge ex-cop in LA, (Chris Dorner)… I spent many hours reading his Facebook-posted Manifesto, relating to his painful experience of feeling betrayed by 'the system', and following the final outplaying of his raging acting out… while praying that he would be spared probable certain death at the hands of his own kind… so that he would have the chance to get complete, to be healed… but he wasn't. He reaped the karma of the sword… dying during attempted capture. No comment as to the fair or foul of that… except to say I know…even though it is 'the way it is in this world', thatnone of it ever 'needed to be', if we were in a truly awakened world. For wherever this man turned in his pain, he had found no answers… but if he could have found the right help, the answers do exist. As the good book says, "My people suffer for lack of knowledge…". Never was this more clear to me.
Feeling… sadness about the distance between my mother and I (when compared to the closeness I had felt with my father…) and recognizing a growing call in me to work to heal that as the time when that will be possible shortens day by day… and the challenge doing that work is, given the set patterns of relating so deeply established. Still, there is a new will in me to grow more loving toward her…to make her last years as rich with love and life as possible. And, I am seeing that ever since her companion dog was euthanized because of the dogs advanced cancers, Mother has been reaching out toward me for companionship. To me, that is a Godness signal….
Feeling… a sudden shift in my meditation sadhana…like the arising of a surge of desire to really really really go deep… beyond where I have always before stopped… The call is simple: to master while meditating the letting go of my self-made identity completely. I am thinking this may be a gift of grace that was planted while visiting Deer Park Monastery last week. Remember how I'd commented that it was soooo sober?…. Now, something has flipped-on inside me… I am called by that same soberness, because it isfundamentally about 'going deep'…. So suddenly, I am meditating much more often too… and then, usually feeling quite happy for 'some reason' afterwards...
Feeling… a new sister connection, full of possibility and challenges… not the least of which is that she is one of those 'hard-headed women' who I can just tell is gonna demand my best efforts of me… especially where I am already talented… she's already turning my art world upside down, sending me applications to fill out and submit to very big time events… events that intimidate the small hiding-out side of me; and now suddenly on short notice I am off to a just discovered very big player Palm Springs convention center art expo for the ultra-rich… to practice my 'language fluency', you might say… meaning to get some real-life practice just being authentic with the artistic collecting elite, who are supposedly going to be there in droves. Being that I normally self-identify as 'one of the people', this is a very good opportunity to practice holding no judgments about self or other.
Saturday night, Palms Springs…. Spent the day listening to lectures and panels by the gods and goddesses of the art world (museum curators, art critics, big time gallery owners etc) lay out their view of what art is about (for them). It was educative for a guy like me who just loves to paint and who happens to have a pretty good talent for it. More lectures coming up tomorrow (so I'm staying over, car camping out in the desert nearby. Nice first quarter moon tonight btw..). To me, excepting a couple inspiring exceptions, the high dollar art is not going to haunt me. But it is good to see what is 'valuable'. Running on battery limits my expounding though (so glad I wrote most of this last night) … so, this is it for this week… Peace and Blessings to each of you. I am grateful for you much more than you know, as in a very real way, you are my ballast….
Next week, I've got some new just painted art for you… Yea…. :=)
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